Movember 2018: The GQ guide to growing an epic moustache

Taking part in Movember? Here's Jim Chapman's ultimate guide to growing and maintaining that mo

By Jim Chapman, GQ

Spring is no longer the only time of year to celebrate the birth, growth and sprouting of new things. Movember has been hot on its heels for the past decade and a half, with men all over the world nurturing moustaches for an excellent cause. Movember is a foundation that raises funds for and awareness of prostate cancer, testicular cancer and suicide prevention. It’s a movement that’s close to my heart, having opened up about my own mental health recently and losing my stepfather to cancer a little under two years ago.

The rules are simple: grow a mo throughout the month of Movember and ask every friend, family member and acquaintance to sponsor it. Simple it may be, but, as all men know, not all facial hair is created equal: some may be fortunate enough to reach the hairy heights of Tom Selleck within the month, while others may not even make it into Michael Cera territory.

For those of you who struggle to achieve full bush, all hope is not lost. Yes, you may never achieve a stupendously luscious lip warmer, but there are steps you can take that will help. Firstly, facial hair tends to grow thickest where the blood flows more generously. One way to increase blood flow to your mouth parts is by enjoying some facial exercises (probably best to try these in the comfort of your own home, away from mirrors). There are also supplements such as VitaBeard that contain all manner of nutrients your body requires to create hair.

"Get out there, grow an epic moustache and raise a hefty chunk of change for charity"

As is often the case, the biggest benefits will come from a change in lifestyle. Exercising will not only increase blood flow but also amp up testosterone levels, which are associated with beard growth. A high-protein diet with plenty of fruit and vegetables also helps, along with plenty of sleep and a reduction in stress (easier said than done, I know).

You’re on your way, but a word of warning: things are going to get worse before they get better. You will, inevitably, reach the itchy stage, but it’s paramount that you dig in and fight through. To make matters worse, there isn’t much of a moustache middle ground. You either have one or you don’t, so you may find yourself in a torturous upper-lip limbo that is not only irritating (and potentially rashy), but also a big social no-no. Whether you want a handlebar, a Fu Manchu or a Dalí, you’re going to have to earn it. Stick it out. I believe in you.

Once you have a beautiful, dense moustache, you need to look after that bad boy. A mo is attacked from both sides; the things you eat will inevitably end up on or in it and the dead skin cells from your upper lip will have a hard time finding an exit with all that bush in the way. It’s recommended that you shampoo and condition the hair while exfoliating what’s going on underneath. This will keep your moustache strong, supple and soft and also prevent ingrowing hairs and flaky skin.

To maintain the shape of your face accessory, you’ll need a small fine-toothed comb and a pair of scissors. My advice at this point is that less is more. You can always cut more away, but if you take too much off you’ll simply have to wait for it to grow back. You may also find that scissors are handy for keeping the bottom edge neat and tidy, but in order to achieve a uniform length throughout, a beard trimmer is a worthy investment.

You are now fully equipped for Movember. Get out there, grow an epic moustache and raise a hefty chunk of change for charity.