Beard Jewelry Is Terrible and It Must Be Stopped

By Jonathan Evans, esquire
Style is deeply personal. I get it. What you love, someone else might hate, and vice versa. That's fine. Diff'rent strokes and all that. But there are some things so objectively stupid that no one should wear them. Ever. Beard jewelry is one of those things.

"Wow, look at that hirsute man's fearless approach to follicular ornamentation!" they'll exclaim! Except they won't, because they'll be too busy whispering behind your back about how you look like Jack Sparrow's sartorially cautious cousin. (Or wondering how it is you managed to grow a shiny pimple so large it emerges through your facial scruff to glisten in the noonday sun for all to see.)
Listen: Beards are enough of a statement in and of themselves. Grow yours proudly, should you choose to. Take care of it. And don't put terrible jewelry in it. Simple.

These things are currently less than $100 away from being funded on Kickstarter. Do the world a favor and don't donate.

Here's more evidence that this is a bad idea:


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Men's Magazine: Beard Jewelry Is Terrible and It Must Be Stopped
Beard Jewelry Is Terrible and It Must Be Stopped
Men's Magazine
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